Yesterday she blew it! She was ready to walk in obedience, fully confident that what she did was the Lord's will for her. She already saw the blessing of accepting the invitation from the Gardener to prune her heart. However, the end of a long day left her frustrated, only accomplishing tears and a few dishes.
Like any other “failure” day, she threw her hands up and quit! Sitting down in her new recliner, her heart hoped that tomorrow would bring something brighter and better! Then, she decided to turn on the TV to drown out the noise in her head. Maybe American Idol would help ease her pain of failure!
When the contestants begin to tell their story of how they got to this show, there is always a song playing in the background, usually one that will draw tears from your eyes and make their story much more intense. She usually has her phone out, prepared to shazam that sad song to add it to her playlist of many sorrowful songs. Her son always laughs, saying, “Mom, why do you do that?” Laughter comes as an answer to his question because she knows the reason for doing this is to cry her eyes out later when alone.
The song that played behind a beautiful testimony that night would be familiar to the one sitting in that recliner. On several occasions, she would weep, always singing to the top of her lungs, replaying all the memories when her aching heart would ask her husband to please “have a little faith in her.” Or the nights that the pain inside of her would often believe her husband was singing this song to her, asking the same question. This song was no stranger to her memories. So many nights, she sat on that porch, crushed by her life's pain, sorrow, and failure, and believed that maybe one day she wouldn't be this way anymore.
The song was different this time. It carried a different sound, not the familiar one of John Hiatt, but one that started to pierce her heart. Music always seems to speak directly to her heart, and when she hears a melody that causes a hard beat in her chest and raises an eyebrow, you can bet she will be downloading it. On a search she went, turning on her iTunes app to find this particular song. After playing several versions it gave her, she started to give up and knew she wouldn’t see the one they played on American Idol that night. It was getting late, and between putting her children to bed and her racing thoughts of failure, she lost the idea of searching for that song. As she laid her head to sleep that night, a conversation began with the Lord. Declaring that she was okay, although she felt like a failure, she had one small request, “Can I not fail tomorrow, Lord?”
The following day broke free from the night, and she found herself sitting in her usual morning spot, drinking coffee with her second love, thinking, why doesn't today seem brighter? Her heart was still troubled, and she could feel failure knocking at her door again. Holding in her tears, she got into her car to drive the boys to school, wondering will today be as dark as yesterday. Suddenly she could hear that her search wasn't in vain through the faint sound of the music playing in the background. There it was, the version of that song she was looking for. The endless thoughts of failure from the night before caused her eyes to be blind, and she could not see that the last piece she had chosen to play was the one she was searching for!
She loves a sad song when she is low, it helps the tears flow, and after turning the volume up, they started streaming down her face before she could even get her youngest son out of the car. That familiar whisper returned to her, saying, “pause it.” Everything in her knew from last week she better not ignore that whisper, so she paused it and dropped off her oldest son. The Lord knew that once she realized this song was from Him, those tears would include lots of snot and uncontrollable wailing. Her oldest son, who is 13, would have thought someone had died had he been in the car!
Being the weakest reed and a flickering candle, she pressed play and allowed the Holy Spirit to delight in her with gladness and His love to calm all her fears, rejoicing over her (Zeph 3:17) with the words of this song:
“When the road gets dark, and you can no longer see, LET MY LOVE THROW A SPARK. Just have a little faith in Me.
And when those tears you cry are all you can believe, JUST GIVE THESE LOVING ARMS A TRY, BABY. Just have a little faith in Me.
When your secret heart cannot speak so easily, COME HERE, DARLIN, FROM A WHISPER START, to have a little faith in Me.
When your back’s against the wall, JUST TURN AROUND, AND YOU WILL SEE I’LL BE THERE. I’LL BE THERE TO CATCH YOUR FALL, so have a little faith in Me.
Cause I’ve been loving you for such a long time, girl, expecting nothing in return, just for you to have a little faith in Me.
You see time, time is our friend, cause for us, there is no end, all you gotta do is have a little faith in Me.
I will hold you up; I will hold you up because your love gives me strength enough, so have a little faith in Me.
Oh, you gotta choose to have a little faith in ME.”
Perhaps the Lord had to blind her so that she could hear, causing the sound of that music to be the only way to show her that He will never crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle (Is. 42:3a). Perhaps He wanted to show her that no matter what failure she faced yesterday, today He would build His Kingdom with her brokenness, taking the weak worm she is and turning her into a new threshing instrument with many sharp teeth (Is. 41:14-15). Perhaps He wanted her to know that He is the God of the unsuccessful and the God of those who have failed. Perhaps He wanted her to know He is the only one who can touch failure and turn it into the melody that praises His name.
As she began to try those loving arms, she turned around and allowed His love to throw a spark that lit that flickering candle into a mighty bright flame. She chose to have a little faith in Him. He didn’t open her eyes so she could see; He blinded them so she would listen!
Today choose to have a little faith in Him. Even if you are still determining what that looks like. Allow the Holy Spirit to take your life crushed by pain, sorrow, and failure and turn it into a beautiful melody! I don’t know how His love will throw a spark on your flickering candle, but I know He will and wants to. So, close your eyes today and simply listen; I promise it will be worth it!
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